My Secret

Want to know my secret?

Promise not to tell?

I don't want to go back to work.

Ever.

I want to stay home and be mommy every day. I don't want to worry about bringing home some icky bug to my girls. I want to snuggle my baby for all the precious time that I have left while she is still little. I want to dress up baby dolls, and go to pretend disney world every single day. I want to be that mom that picks her kids up everyday, and is here after school, and bakes cookies, and takes them to the park. The one who puts them to bed every night.

But I can't.

I have to go back to work. I have to contribute to the family. Namely, benefits. I have to make sure my girls see that women can and do take good care of their families and have careers at the same time. I have to show them that they don't have to be dependent on anyone for their own success and happiness. I have to keep fighting to make this world better so, maybe someday, they don't have to make such hard choices. That they don't have to worry about trying to pay for college. And can save for their own babies, and futures and dreams. And hopefully, work towards catching this nation up with other industrialized nations in terms of family benefits.

I have to fund real Disney World. And Europe. And all the places we want to take them.

I have to pay for dance lessons. And soccer. And ice skating, gymnastics, and whatever else they want to be involved in.

My girls deserve all that. And so much more.

So I have to go back to work. They'll be in good hands, 2 days a week, the baby with Daddy and the big sister at preschool. They will thrive. They will be fine, and happy. And I will take care of the sick babies, as Ellie says. And enjoy it. And be fine.

But I still don't want to go back to work.