New Adventures

Well, it is ours officially. The ugly house is all ours. And of course, I left the camera there, so pictures must wait till later. It was a crazy week, filled with completely gutting the kitchen and bathroom, learning the finer points of removing wallpaper, why one should never use glue on wood paneling, how to handle ten thousand staples in a 10 x 10 area, and so on. The kids saw the house for the first time the day we closed. They were not impressed. Not at all. Kailey " I don't think this is a very good house. Is is not very good at all." Ellie pointed out that when she looked out the window, she could see lots of nice houses. And we should think about living in one of those. Landon, well, he dumped an entire bottle of bubbles on himself in the first 5 minutes we were there. And proceeded to enjoy coloring on the wallpapered walls. The fun an ugly house can bring.There will be pictures soon.

Ellie was sitting at the table at Grandma's when it was brought up that we needed something.

E- " We can just run to Target and pick that up."
Grandpa " There is no Target here, Ellie. You are going to have to learn that if you are going to live up here."
E- I know. That's so sad. But Target ships!"

That's my girl :)

The "So, So, Ugly" House

We finally bit the bullet and bought a house in the tiny town where we are moving. After months and months of wavering back and forth about where to live, we decided that this was the best thing for us all. We close in two weeks, and we start the renovating process the very same day. The kids have only seen it in picture, and Kailey immediately deemed it the so, so ugly house. As much as I try to tell her how beautiful it's going to be, she can't get over it. Ellie is struggling to envision how this house can become something better than what it is, and has come up with some pretty unreachable ideas, like a stage in her room. But they are both excited to be done with this living arrangement we are currently doing. They are getting a smaller house then they are accustomed to, and they have to share a room. They are eagerly planning their new space. And they are very excited to be closer to their grandparents. I admit, I am seriously looking forward to all the babysitting that Grandma is talking about. I don't even remember the last time Matt and I had even an afternoon out that didn't involve the kids. I love my kids, but I also love to be without them occasionally :)

So, once the house is officially ours, we will put pictures. My friends are encouraging me to start another blog, to follow the progress of the renovations, so maybe I will be doing that. We are really hoping our current house sells soon, so that stress is off of us.  Matt is excited about a 2 minute drive to work. Ellie is looking forward to her new school and having a cousin in school with her. Kailey hopes that she can stay with Grandma all the time. And while Landon has no clue about what is going on, he will love his new play space, I am sure. For now, he seems to enjoy tossing random stuff in boxes. He does hinder packing quite a bit :)

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

My girl, in her brand new hat. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I simply could not wait. And she  loves it. If you have ever seen the movie, "Tangled" you know that Rapunzel is an ornery little princess.

Kailey channels her well :)

She perches on her climber, and waits for somebody to tell her to let down her hair. She wore it to the mall. She wore it out to take Ellie to religion. And she isn't taking it off anytime soon.

The Window

He is just so cute :)

The proverbial saying says something about whenever God closes a door, he always opens a window.

Do you all ever sit around and wonder just when exactly is that is gonna happen? Or perhaps, your window like mine, is cracked. But you just can't seem to get it shoved all the way open. Maybe it is stuck. Maybe something is blocking it. Maybe somebody painted over it.

I sit here tonight, supposed to be writing something profound to add to my already very long thesis paper. And lately, all I can see is the endless road ahead of us. The hole that we didn't dig, but somehow have to climb out of. The roadblock after roadblock that has been thrown our way. The daily grind of our new life that somehow doesn't seem like any kind of life. I find myself trying to survive each day, only to regret the fact that I am wishing my kids' childhood away. I lay awake each night hoping I don't drop all these balls I have gotten thrown. And I can't see the end. It isn't there. Which makes it all that much harder.

Some days I wish I could just let it all go. Quit my job and school and focus on my kids. Sell this house and get out from the separation of my family, and from the ever-present entity that attempted to destroy us. Every time I step outside I am reminded of it. And while I am doing my best to not be bitter and angry and defeated, I cannot just let go of the fact that much of what happened this past year was done to us, through no fault of our own. Yet we are left to pick up the pieces, hanging by the thinnest thread, and trapping us in unavoidable and frustrating circumstances.

Steve Jobs said something in his famous speech at Stanford about the dots connecting. You cannot look forward and see how all this will affect your life. You can only look back and see that, because of it, you are where you are today. I know our dots are all leading us somewhere. That is what keeps me going. Knowing that there is so much ahead of us that will be better. Someday I won't have to work every weekend. Someday I will get to spend more than a couple hours a week with my husband. Someday, my kids will know that we did everything we could to keep things stable for them during this time. And that we tried so very hard to make their futures good, too.

I am thankful. I am thankful for the friends who let me whine and cry and complain. I am thankful for the mother in law that watches my kids every single week, and gets up in the middle of the night so I can take the sick one to the urgent care. I am very thankful for my husband's boss, who lets him work out a schedule to help me work, helping us climb out of that hole. And I am thankful that what we have gone through is so much less than what others have had to endure. Our path isn't pretty, but I know that many would choose ours in a heartbeat over what they have had to walk.

So, about that window. I know that I can't see what will open it just yet. But I have faith that it will. However, if any of you all has a crowbar, let me know :)

So, Do You Ever Update Your Blog Anymore?

I seem to hear that a lot lately.

Well, the short answer is no. I am very busy.

And the long answer? Single parenthood is kicking my tail.

Working, going to school, and keeping up with Ellie's school has pretty much encompasses all my time these last several weeks. I decided not to send Kailey to preschool this year, so I am homeschooling her, or whatever it is you call doing some preschool stuff at home. Add that to the fact that I am doing most of it by myself, and well, sometimes the ball gets dropped. The good news is that I am only currently in one class for my masters. And that I only have 4 left to be done. That number is such a beautiful number!
The kids and I are attempting to adjust to this new lifestyle as best we can. We can't sell our house right not. Too many factors play into that to name off, but for the time being, we are here, and the daddy is there. I hope this won't be the case forever. Time will tell. It would help if our economy would get up off it's sorry behind and get a move on.
So, for right now, I am a single parent during the week, going to school. And on the weekend nights, I work. So they will keep paying for my school. It has been a rough road. The kids seem to be doing better recently. There are less tears, more sleeping. Less anxiety and more smiles. And, they have discovered beef. Which they love!
For now, I am focusing on what I must do each day to survive these next several months. Our lives will be so much different this time next year. I tell my kids that this isn't forever. Sometimes I tell myself that too.

And sometimes, I eat ice cream with peanut butter when everybody else is in bed, and watch trashy movies while I am doing homework. Because I can :)

A Story About Change

Once upon a time, there was a family.

The family was happy. Life was good.

But, like every family, the rain falls occasionally. Sometimes, when it rains, the flowers grow brighter and bigger. Sometimes, the river floods the town.

The family had been through a few floods. Some of which, everybody could see. Some of which, they chose not to tell. All of which, led them to where they are now. And even after the hardest of rains, you sometimes get the most beautiful rainbow.

The family got a rainbow. A bright, shining rainbow that came out of the clear blue sky. One they wouldn't have expected to come, didn't expect. But, a much needed and welcome rainbow.

The rainbow is a new job. In another town. A job that they sought him out, and asked him to interview. In what turned out to be the perfect one for him. And will be for us all.

Now the family is faced with a few new challenges. First of all, there is a "situation" that must be resolved. The family cannot move until it is. Then, there is a house to sell. They hope. Then, the mommy must decide how to proceed with her school. And her work. Both of which she is bound to by the other. And there is the task of hopefully finding somewhere to live when it is time.

The daddy has started the job, awhile ago. He is gone. The mommy must raise the children, go to work and school, and somehow prepare to sell the house. If they are able to. It is a daunting task, complicated by softball and ill children.

In every good rainbow story, the end is full of a pot of gold. We are hoping that the proverbial pot of gold means more stability for our little family. We know this is the right choice. We just have to get to the end of that rainbow.

One

How quickly a year goes by. The baby I delivered one year ago today is now such a handsome little fellow. A little guy who loves to give kisses and feed his puppies. Who tries so hard to keep up with his big sisters. Who will dive headfirst into a bathtub if we are not fast enough. Who takes everything out of my drawers, just to see how far he can throw them. Who will take many steps, but just not quite brave enough to walk. Who smiles and laughs and babbles and is all around a happy guy.

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy. I have loved every minute of you this last year, and while I am a little sad you are growing up, I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.