One

How quickly a year goes by. The baby I delivered one year ago today is now such a handsome little fellow. A little guy who loves to give kisses and feed his puppies. Who tries so hard to keep up with his big sisters. Who will dive headfirst into a bathtub if we are not fast enough. Who takes everything out of my drawers, just to see how far he can throw them. Who will take many steps, but just not quite brave enough to walk. Who smiles and laughs and babbles and is all around a happy guy.

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy. I have loved every minute of you this last year, and while I am a little sad you are growing up, I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.

My Kind of Fairy Tale

Because we all need a bit of humor in our lives...

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,

self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating

ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant

meadow near her castle.

A frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was

once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,

young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up

housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can satisfy my

needs, prepare and serve my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,

and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog

legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and

thought to herself:

“I don’t freaking think so!”

Survival Tips

Survival of the fittest. That phrase has taken on a new meaning for me these last several month. Events beyond our control have led us down this path that we are currently walking. It has been very hard on us all, and we hope that this awful journey ends very soon. I hate what it does to a family. My poor kids can sense all this stress, and you can clearly see how much it affects them as well. The term "pain and suffering" take on an entirely new meaning.

In the meantime, I have learned a few thing about frugality. While I have taught myself a lot over the past few years, these last months have shown me how much I still have to learn. For example:

• You really can use nearly everything in your fridge before it goes bad. You have to be creative. However, your children may not eat it, so continue to invest in peanut butter.
• When getting ready for a garage sale, one comes face to face with one's clothing habits. Specifically how one's children got clothed. And that they probably didn't need quite so many choices.
• Cheap backpacks break. Quickly. After you have bought 3 cheap backpacks, you should just invest in the good one the 4th time.
• Bread is super duper cheap to make. And super easy and yummy. However, bread could make you fat. Probably not your husband or children, but you should watch out.
• Pasta, however, is super cheap to buy, and a pain in the rear to make.
• When your daughter wants a cake made by you for her birthday, you might be touched, and think "that will be so much cheaper!". However, after you have made the three-tier confection filled with 3 fillings and 2 kinds of cakes, and frosted with about 5 pounds of powdered sugar and 15 sticks of butter, you realize that Costco makes an incredibly cheap cake. 
• Sometimes, you get very frustrated at the lack of Christmas presents, or the meager Easter baskets. You stomp around and complain to your husband about how unfair it all is, that this stupid situation is hurting your children more than anyone else. Your husband remains calm and assures you that they will love the presents and baskets. They do, of course. But you don't admit that to him.
• Sometimes, you scrimp and save for so long, you take a bit of that and take a vacation. Like to the beach. And you scrimp while you are there. And you don't eat breakfast or lunch so that your kids can eat the little food that will fit in the fridge at the hotel. So you can afford the afternoon ice cream sundaes for them. And seeing the stress melt off their little faces makes it all worth it. 
• That somehow, you can afford the second mortgage amount you are paying out in one certain bill each month. Because you have been working so very hard to keep afloat. Because you have no other choice. There is no way out.
• That, in the end, it is only money. Your kids are healthy. Your husband is healthy. You are healthy. 
• And that you do have true friends. People who let you complain and whine and cry about the whole rotten situation. People who tell you how rotten it is with you. People who are right beside you, no matter what.

When it is all said and done, I try to remember that we have a lot to be thankful for. I try not to dwell on the fact that our hard work and planning for the future has been wiped out and put on hold. I am happy we have been able to float so far. We are surviving.

The Princess and Her Potty

Kailey has a problem. An attitude problem. She is refusing to be potty trained. Not unready, not confused, too little, or misunderstanding. Refusing. And my child refusing me is not something that goes over well.

"No, Mama, I not gonna potty train today."

"I not gonna sit on dat big girl potty. I just gonna try later"

"I can't go sit on dat big girl potty, cause I busy."

It's much more irritating in person, I assure you.

 I have tried it all. Bribing, pleading, begging, ordering, rewarding Ellie for going potty. None of it makes any difference. (Although Ellie's brilliant idea is that she should start pretending she is not potty trained anymore and get rewards for going on the potty to show Kailey what happens. I drew the line there :)

So my friend gave me a book, called "The Princess and the Potty." Very fitting. The princess won't use the potty, the potty makers in all the land make all kinds of pretty potties that do not please the princess. You know how it ends, the princess eventually gets fancy pants and goes on the potty.

We read it over and over. She loves it so much. Loves hearing about the princess and the potty.

So, one day, I am in the bathroom changing the baby and she points to the potty.


 "Mama, see dat big girl potty?"

"Yes?"

"Dat big girl potty right over there?"

"Yes Kailey, I see it. What about it?" (getting all excited)

"Dat potty does not pwease me."

I think we have a ways to go :)

Nobody's Favorite

"Mama, how come I am nobody's favorite?" Ellie said to me today.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"I just mean, I used to be everybody's favorite and now I am nobody's. Well, I mean, we aren't anybody's. We are not anybody's favorites anymore."

I just hated hearing her say that. I know why she said it, and I know what she means (because, of course, I know the rest of the story that doesn't belong on the internet.)  I can't explain how other people feel or why they act the way they do. I didn't even know how to respond.  So I said the only thing I could say.

"You guys will always be my favorites."

Please don't let me ever be the parent who favors one child over the others. Or who treats one child with less love and understanding. Please let me always love all my kids with all my heart. And their kids, too. Please give me the wisdom and understanding to help my children grow happy and confident in themselves. To show them that they are worth more than I could ever relay to them. Give me the words to explain to my children the things in life that are hard, and that sometimes, we can't understand.

And please, please, let my babies know that they will always be OUR favorites.

Kailey's Room

All my kids have their names on their doors. I made them. I am so crafty :)

Her Big Girl Bed. You can kind of see her window seat and "tea party" light

This is where bitty baby lives.

The light came from Ellie's room in our old house

There is a cute ladybug picture on the wall now where the flower stickers are. She sleeps in her toddler bed, and I have no intention of rocking the boat at this point :)

This is Violet. She sleeps on the bed. 

 Kailey moved into Ellie's old room. It hasn't changed much. The wall colors are still the same. Some of the pictures are the same. But Kailey doesn't remember, nor does she care. She loves her "big girl" room.

When I Watch Too Much TV...

So, this week, I was watching my netflix on my roku box. I am in love with my roku box. Most of the time.

Today, not so much...

There was this documentary on there called "The business of being born." I'd read about this particular show before, but never really knew much about it. So I thought I'd put it on while doing some laundry.

I didn't make it past about 15 minutes. I was that hacked off, that I just shut it off.

Disclaimer: What follows is a rant.

This so-called documentary is all about "natural" childbirth. As in unmedicated birth, which is a more proper term. (unless you got your baby from some sort of test tube or egg contraption, all childbirth is natural.)  I am not opposed to unmedicated birth. There is nothing at all wrong with it. I am, however, opposed to any sort of film that shows one side of a very complex story, and makes it seem as any other way is wrong. These people talked about how modern medicine had "screwed up" childbirth. They put down those who received any sort of drugs, including induction, as failures and interfering with the "natural order" of things. What an incredibly sad disservice this is for women. Women who may or may not have the options these women have. Modern medicine is a good thing. Lest we forget, it wasn't that long ago that many women died routinely during childbirth. Many women have health issues. Many babies  have complications. And many uncomplicated pregnancies end with bad outcomes during delivery.

Modern medicine saved my life. It also saved two of my children's lives during delivery. Had I went the "natural" route, I wouldn't be here to be ranting about this. Had I waited "until the time is right" one of my babies would most certainly not be here. The mother probably wouldn't be, either. She was getting very ill.

Maybe that is why this irritates me so much. I made choices that I had to during my pregnancies and deliveries that would help my children and I come out of this alive. I, along with my doctors and specialists, made decisions that were based on this. I am happy with my choices. Proud, even.  But, I utterly hate, hate, hate, hearing anything that attempts to undermine those choices. That says that if I hadn't had to induce my babies, we would have had shorter labors, better outcomes, etc, etc.

I have good outcomes. My children are healthy. I am incredibly thankful for that. I don't tell all the details to very many people of those deliveries. Most people won't go through what I did. What my babies did. And for that I am also thankful.

So producers of this documentary, listen up. You can be happy you had a baby with no medication. However, you may not put down those that had to. Or chose to. You never know what kinds of motivation comes with those choices.