Our Annual Digital Christmas Letter. Enjoy!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Decisions, Decisions
Here we are in our new house. We've been working and working to make it a nice and happy place for our children to live. They have been thriving in their new environment. They hardly know what to do with a Daddy that is home every night. Or with a Mommy that doesn't work every single weekend. I love being here on the weekends. I love being normal and sleeping normally again. I love being here every single day with my kids. And I have had some time, maybe too much time, to think.
Eight years ago, I had to put my first baby in daycare. I hated it. We had a fantastic provider who loved her like her own children. But I still hated that I wasn't there with her. I begged to stay home with her. I wanted it so badly. But the numbers didn't work out. Even then, health care insurance prohibited me from being able to afford any less than full time work. So I went back. I was sad. I cried so many nights. I felt like I was failing my baby. I hated that my friends were able to stay home with their babies, while I had to go to work. I envied those friends that had grandmas who were willing to watch their baby so they could work (my parents lived much too far away). I still remember a family member telling her friend, right in front of me, how she "hated that Ellie has to be in daycare all day." I hated her for that, for doubting what we had to do and for not being the support we so desperately could have used. (Bitter, much? Why yes, I am.)
Fast forward four years later, my career was thriving as was Matt's. We had another baby on the way, and after she was born, I was planning to quit. We had planned, and saved, and were totally prepared. I was excited. I was counting down the days. But, as life tends to do, two days before she was born, all our plans got derailed. Now I got to go back to work, after my maternity leave, full time again. And my husband would work from home and care for our baby those two days a week I was at work.
I was so jealous of him, feeding my baby, and putting her to sleep, while I was stuck feeding other people's babies, and putting them to sleep. Not nearly as hard, since Daddy was her caretaker. But still, I was jealous.
And less than two years later, we were there again. This time, I was going to have to quit. Or at least be very part time. He couldn't work with two babies at home. The cost of three children in daycare was more than I would bring home. And there was no one else to watch them, even one day a week.That decision was easy. This time, I was going to get what I wanted. Again, we planned, we saved, and we were prepared. Then, once again, life got us. We got hit with a major, frivolous lawsuit, that eventually was dismissed from court, but not before it cost more then my college education in bills. So, I stayed part time, switching to night shift as to be home during the day.
Matt got offered a fantastic job out of the blue. We moved. The cost of living here is less than half of what it was before. He is making more than enough for both of us, with big career potential. Finally, Murphy tossed us something good. I cut back even more. I have considered teaching with my masters, but it seems that when I stepped off my career path, getting back on is not so easy. "So why did you give up your management position to go part time?" " Because the hospital doesn't pay me enough to afford childcare" is not an acceptable answer. Working 150 miles away from home is pretty tough, when they expect you to attend one hour meetings frequently. The gas costs more than I make. I don't have good sleeping accomodations for the nights I do work. And, after January 5, when my contract is up, I don't have to. He is totally supportive of me never going back to work. So the time is right for me to quit.
So could someone please tell me why I cannot make this leap? Why I am so hesitant to give up my job now, when I would have happily tossed it a few years ago? I think that it is because of our recent history of the hypothetical "what if's" actually coming our way. I cannot be a pediatric nurse here, and it is all I know. Adult nursing holds no interest for me. Really, I would like to test out the entrepreneurial waters with my own business, maybe cooking or baking, or my much coveted baby store. I would love to buy another crappy house and fix it up and sell it. I can think of a hundred other things I could do. But actually leaping away from nursing, possibly forever, is a scary thought.
So I need some advice from my friends. If you were me, would you take this chance?
Eight years ago, I had to put my first baby in daycare. I hated it. We had a fantastic provider who loved her like her own children. But I still hated that I wasn't there with her. I begged to stay home with her. I wanted it so badly. But the numbers didn't work out. Even then, health care insurance prohibited me from being able to afford any less than full time work. So I went back. I was sad. I cried so many nights. I felt like I was failing my baby. I hated that my friends were able to stay home with their babies, while I had to go to work. I envied those friends that had grandmas who were willing to watch their baby so they could work (my parents lived much too far away). I still remember a family member telling her friend, right in front of me, how she "hated that Ellie has to be in daycare all day." I hated her for that, for doubting what we had to do and for not being the support we so desperately could have used. (Bitter, much? Why yes, I am.)
Fast forward four years later, my career was thriving as was Matt's. We had another baby on the way, and after she was born, I was planning to quit. We had planned, and saved, and were totally prepared. I was excited. I was counting down the days. But, as life tends to do, two days before she was born, all our plans got derailed. Now I got to go back to work, after my maternity leave, full time again. And my husband would work from home and care for our baby those two days a week I was at work.
I was so jealous of him, feeding my baby, and putting her to sleep, while I was stuck feeding other people's babies, and putting them to sleep. Not nearly as hard, since Daddy was her caretaker. But still, I was jealous.
And less than two years later, we were there again. This time, I was going to have to quit. Or at least be very part time. He couldn't work with two babies at home. The cost of three children in daycare was more than I would bring home. And there was no one else to watch them, even one day a week.That decision was easy. This time, I was going to get what I wanted. Again, we planned, we saved, and we were prepared. Then, once again, life got us. We got hit with a major, frivolous lawsuit, that eventually was dismissed from court, but not before it cost more then my college education in bills. So, I stayed part time, switching to night shift as to be home during the day.
Matt got offered a fantastic job out of the blue. We moved. The cost of living here is less than half of what it was before. He is making more than enough for both of us, with big career potential. Finally, Murphy tossed us something good. I cut back even more. I have considered teaching with my masters, but it seems that when I stepped off my career path, getting back on is not so easy. "So why did you give up your management position to go part time?" " Because the hospital doesn't pay me enough to afford childcare" is not an acceptable answer. Working 150 miles away from home is pretty tough, when they expect you to attend one hour meetings frequently. The gas costs more than I make. I don't have good sleeping accomodations for the nights I do work. And, after January 5, when my contract is up, I don't have to. He is totally supportive of me never going back to work. So the time is right for me to quit.
So could someone please tell me why I cannot make this leap? Why I am so hesitant to give up my job now, when I would have happily tossed it a few years ago? I think that it is because of our recent history of the hypothetical "what if's" actually coming our way. I cannot be a pediatric nurse here, and it is all I know. Adult nursing holds no interest for me. Really, I would like to test out the entrepreneurial waters with my own business, maybe cooking or baking, or my much coveted baby store. I would love to buy another crappy house and fix it up and sell it. I can think of a hundred other things I could do. But actually leaping away from nursing, possibly forever, is a scary thought.
So I need some advice from my friends. If you were me, would you take this chance?
Monday, June 25, 2012
Two
Two is truly an amazing age. At two years of age, development takes off, and we can see the baby really start to fade, as the little preview of the person they will be emerge. My boy has just began this year, and I can see him blooming right before our eyes.
He looks just like his sisters, which is to say, he looks like his mommy. Apparently, Daddy doesn't possess very strong genes, or they got lost along the way. He shares his oldest sister's sweetness and compassion, and his middle sister's crazy, creative mind. He does is very best to keep up with them, and refuses to be left behind.
He loves tractors and trucks. He looks every day for the shirt that has the characters from "Cars" on it to wear. He sleeps in a big boy bed and stays put every night. He demands chocolate milk at the crack of dawn. He sometimes will snuggle with his mommy, for just a minute, then when he is reassured the world is right, he is off to his next task. He follows his daddy around, determined to help him with every task. He wants to use power tool. And he watches each day at the door, wondering when Daddy will come home, and asking if he will take him swimming.
What I hope this translates to, is that as an adult, he will grow up to be compassionate, helpful, independent, and be able to think outside the box. That he will find someone to love, and be the kind of husband every girl wants. That he will love his family, and know when to be there and when to back away. And that he will be successful in most of life, but learn from what he is not.
Two is amazing. I see the person he will become, but for now, I get him all to myself. And that is the most amazing of all.
He looks just like his sisters, which is to say, he looks like his mommy. Apparently, Daddy doesn't possess very strong genes, or they got lost along the way. He shares his oldest sister's sweetness and compassion, and his middle sister's crazy, creative mind. He does is very best to keep up with them, and refuses to be left behind.
He loves tractors and trucks. He looks every day for the shirt that has the characters from "Cars" on it to wear. He sleeps in a big boy bed and stays put every night. He demands chocolate milk at the crack of dawn. He sometimes will snuggle with his mommy, for just a minute, then when he is reassured the world is right, he is off to his next task. He follows his daddy around, determined to help him with every task. He wants to use power tool. And he watches each day at the door, wondering when Daddy will come home, and asking if he will take him swimming.
What I hope this translates to, is that as an adult, he will grow up to be compassionate, helpful, independent, and be able to think outside the box. That he will find someone to love, and be the kind of husband every girl wants. That he will love his family, and know when to be there and when to back away. And that he will be successful in most of life, but learn from what he is not.
Two is amazing. I see the person he will become, but for now, I get him all to myself. And that is the most amazing of all.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Patience
I am not a terribly patient person.
I have never had much patience for drama, or theatrics. Or people who believe their problems are so awful, when in fact, they have no idea what a real problem is. It stresses me out, trying to be the kind person that comes out of me every now and then, instead of telling them to get a grip, their life isn't that bad. Oh, how many times I have wanted to haul somebody in to see a truly sick baby and say "Look, that baby is sick. Your problem, yeah, not that bad. You don't know problem until you've walked in those itty bitty shoes, or the shoes of their family."
I am trying to remember that now. That it isn't that bad.
It isn't so terrible that we are living apart. I still have a husband who loves me.
It isn't so awful that we are waiting, waiting for our house to sell. At least we have a house to sell, and are not underwater, like so many I know.
It isn't so bad that I don't sleep, so people can look at my house. At least they are looking. 12 showings in 6 days is a good thing.
It won't be so bad, moving away from everything I love. Maybe I will find new friends, and another place I like too.
I shouldn't complain that we racked up more in lawyer fees in nine months then four years of college cost. I should be so very thankful that we still have a home to sell. And I should be grateful that it is over, at least.
In fact, I should be very happy all around. Things should start going our way very soon. We have three beautiful children. We are working so hard on our new house, and will make it something we love. We will be together. It isn't that bad. It will be good. Eventually.
The part of me that is crabby and bitter can think of so many negatives. How unfair it was to be dragged into the middle of someone else's drama, costing us a fortune. How hard it is to be the parent that has to be everything for these children, and the working girl instead of a wife every weekend. How I worry every single day about my children, two in particular that have different issues, but both could drastically alter their lives, or cause them irreparable harm. How I wish I knew what to do about them, so my children are safe.
But, the part of me that is rational continues to say "come on now, girl, get on up." Life isn't fair. The world isn't fair. Patience is a virtue I must continue to work on. So i do. And I will. And I will wait, for it all to work out. And I will attempt to smile and be happy and move on.
Disclaimer: This blog was always meant for me. For me to say what I want, and show what I want. For me to be the person I am. I love my friends that read it. And I caution those that may not want to hear the truth to just never click back on this link. I am real. I am genuine. This is my perspective on my life. And I don't mince words.
I have never had much patience for drama, or theatrics. Or people who believe their problems are so awful, when in fact, they have no idea what a real problem is. It stresses me out, trying to be the kind person that comes out of me every now and then, instead of telling them to get a grip, their life isn't that bad. Oh, how many times I have wanted to haul somebody in to see a truly sick baby and say "Look, that baby is sick. Your problem, yeah, not that bad. You don't know problem until you've walked in those itty bitty shoes, or the shoes of their family."
I am trying to remember that now. That it isn't that bad.
It isn't so terrible that we are living apart. I still have a husband who loves me.
It isn't so awful that we are waiting, waiting for our house to sell. At least we have a house to sell, and are not underwater, like so many I know.
It isn't so bad that I don't sleep, so people can look at my house. At least they are looking. 12 showings in 6 days is a good thing.
It won't be so bad, moving away from everything I love. Maybe I will find new friends, and another place I like too.
I shouldn't complain that we racked up more in lawyer fees in nine months then four years of college cost. I should be so very thankful that we still have a home to sell. And I should be grateful that it is over, at least.
In fact, I should be very happy all around. Things should start going our way very soon. We have three beautiful children. We are working so hard on our new house, and will make it something we love. We will be together. It isn't that bad. It will be good. Eventually.
The part of me that is crabby and bitter can think of so many negatives. How unfair it was to be dragged into the middle of someone else's drama, costing us a fortune. How hard it is to be the parent that has to be everything for these children, and the working girl instead of a wife every weekend. How I worry every single day about my children, two in particular that have different issues, but both could drastically alter their lives, or cause them irreparable harm. How I wish I knew what to do about them, so my children are safe.
But, the part of me that is rational continues to say "come on now, girl, get on up." Life isn't fair. The world isn't fair. Patience is a virtue I must continue to work on. So i do. And I will. And I will wait, for it all to work out. And I will attempt to smile and be happy and move on.
Disclaimer: This blog was always meant for me. For me to say what I want, and show what I want. For me to be the person I am. I love my friends that read it. And I caution those that may not want to hear the truth to just never click back on this link. I am real. I am genuine. This is my perspective on my life. And I don't mince words.
Monday, April 16, 2012
They May Be...
They may be bad sometimes.
They may argue and mess and get into everything. They may scream in the car, and spit chocolate milk at each other. They may debate with me until I want to scream in the car. They may roll around, and dump stuff out of my pantry and play in the toilet water when not supervised.
They may be bad sometimes. But they are good so much more often. They read to each other. They play with each other. They get each other snacks. They give bedtime and goodbye hugs and kisses. He worships his sisters. They adore their baby brother. And the girls are becoming better friends all the time.
We are so very lucky and so very blessed. We will always be so thankful for them.
Happy April, everyone.
They may argue and mess and get into everything. They may scream in the car, and spit chocolate milk at each other. They may debate with me until I want to scream in the car. They may roll around, and dump stuff out of my pantry and play in the toilet water when not supervised.
They may be bad sometimes. But they are good so much more often. They read to each other. They play with each other. They get each other snacks. They give bedtime and goodbye hugs and kisses. He worships his sisters. They adore their baby brother. And the girls are becoming better friends all the time.
We are so very lucky and so very blessed. We will always be so thankful for them.
Happy April, everyone.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Come See Our New House!
Want to follow our renovation? I had many requests to blog about our progress on our new house. I have chosen to do that in a separate site, so that our personal site remains what it has always been. So please feel free to visit us over there and keep track of our happenings!
The Diary of the "Ugly House"
The Diary of the "Ugly House"
Sunday, March 25, 2012
What I am Teaching my Kids
A lot of things, actually. Have you ever been asked this question? It came up recently for us...
I am teaching them to be kind, respectful people, even if they don't always like to be or others are not.
I am teaching compassion for others.
I am teaching generosity, charity, and giving to those with so much less.
I am teaching that we don't scream in Target when things just don't go our way.
I am teaching that climbing the refrigerator to get your own chocolate milk is not safe.
I am teaching gratefulness, being thankful with what you have, and giving to others who have not.
I am teaching that we must always be polite to people we don't know.
I am teaching that I-pods don't grow on trees, and chucking them to the floor is a bad plan.
I am teaching that some people are disrespectful. That doesn't give you a reason to be disrespectful back.
I am teaching them that their sister is deathly allergic to cats. And that I protect her, just as I protect them.
I am teaching my children that sometimes, people treat you badly. Sometimes people are mean and hurtful. Sometimes, people make choices that hurt us, or those we love.
I am teaching that no one, ever, has the right to treat you, or those you love, badly. And when people prove they cannot treat you well, you must still be respectful. You do not, however, have to include that person in your life. You cannot change others, only how you let others affect you.
I am teaching them to be kind to each other, and that when your little sister or brother starts screaming at you or destroying your room, you do not have to include them in your activity.
I am teaching the brother and sister (and the big one, occasionally) that these are the consequences of choosing to be unkind.
I am teaching them that they are valuable, and they deserve to be treated with respect.
I am teaching them that I will always be on their side, even if others are not.
And quite honestly, I think I am doing a pretty good job.
I am teaching them to be kind, respectful people, even if they don't always like to be or others are not.
I am teaching compassion for others.
I am teaching generosity, charity, and giving to those with so much less.
I am teaching that we don't scream in Target when things just don't go our way.
I am teaching that climbing the refrigerator to get your own chocolate milk is not safe.
I am teaching gratefulness, being thankful with what you have, and giving to others who have not.
I am teaching that we must always be polite to people we don't know.
I am teaching that I-pods don't grow on trees, and chucking them to the floor is a bad plan.
I am teaching that some people are disrespectful. That doesn't give you a reason to be disrespectful back.
I am teaching them that their sister is deathly allergic to cats. And that I protect her, just as I protect them.
I am teaching my children that sometimes, people treat you badly. Sometimes people are mean and hurtful. Sometimes, people make choices that hurt us, or those we love.
I am teaching that no one, ever, has the right to treat you, or those you love, badly. And when people prove they cannot treat you well, you must still be respectful. You do not, however, have to include that person in your life. You cannot change others, only how you let others affect you.
I am teaching them to be kind to each other, and that when your little sister or brother starts screaming at you or destroying your room, you do not have to include them in your activity.
I am teaching the brother and sister (and the big one, occasionally) that these are the consequences of choosing to be unkind.
I am teaching them that they are valuable, and they deserve to be treated with respect.
I am teaching them that I will always be on their side, even if others are not.
And quite honestly, I think I am doing a pretty good job.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
New Adventures
Well, it is ours officially. The ugly house is all ours. And of course, I left the camera there, so pictures must wait till later. It was a crazy week, filled with completely gutting the kitchen and bathroom, learning the finer points of removing wallpaper, why one should never use glue on wood paneling, how to handle ten thousand staples in a 10 x 10 area, and so on. The kids saw the house for the first time the day we closed. They were not impressed. Not at all. Kailey " I don't think this is a very good house. Is is not very good at all." Ellie pointed out that when she looked out the window, she could see lots of nice houses. And we should think about living in one of those. Landon, well, he dumped an entire bottle of bubbles on himself in the first 5 minutes we were there. And proceeded to enjoy coloring on the wallpapered walls. The fun an ugly house can bring.There will be pictures soon.
Ellie was sitting at the table at Grandma's when it was brought up that we needed something.
E- " We can just run to Target and pick that up."
Grandpa " There is no Target here, Ellie. You are going to have to learn that if you are going to live up here."
E- I know. That's so sad. But Target ships!"
That's my girl :)
Ellie was sitting at the table at Grandma's when it was brought up that we needed something.
E- " We can just run to Target and pick that up."
Grandpa " There is no Target here, Ellie. You are going to have to learn that if you are going to live up here."
E- I know. That's so sad. But Target ships!"
That's my girl :)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The "So, So, Ugly" House
We finally bit the bullet and bought a house in the tiny town where we are moving. After months and months of wavering back and forth about where to live, we decided that this was the best thing for us all. We close in two weeks, and we start the renovating process the very same day. The kids have only seen it in picture, and Kailey immediately deemed it the so, so ugly house. As much as I try to tell her how beautiful it's going to be, she can't get over it. Ellie is struggling to envision how this house can become something better than what it is, and has come up with some pretty unreachable ideas, like a stage in her room. But they are both excited to be done with this living arrangement we are currently doing. They are getting a smaller house then they are accustomed to, and they have to share a room. They are eagerly planning their new space. And they are very excited to be closer to their grandparents. I admit, I am seriously looking forward to all the babysitting that Grandma is talking about. I don't even remember the last time Matt and I had even an afternoon out that didn't involve the kids. I love my kids, but I also love to be without them occasionally :)
So, once the house is officially ours, we will put pictures. My friends are encouraging me to start another blog, to follow the progress of the renovations, so maybe I will be doing that. We are really hoping our current house sells soon, so that stress is off of us. Matt is excited about a 2 minute drive to work. Ellie is looking forward to her new school and having a cousin in school with her. Kailey hopes that she can stay with Grandma all the time. And while Landon has no clue about what is going on, he will love his new play space, I am sure. For now, he seems to enjoy tossing random stuff in boxes. He does hinder packing quite a bit :)
So, once the house is officially ours, we will put pictures. My friends are encouraging me to start another blog, to follow the progress of the renovations, so maybe I will be doing that. We are really hoping our current house sells soon, so that stress is off of us. Matt is excited about a 2 minute drive to work. Ellie is looking forward to her new school and having a cousin in school with her. Kailey hopes that she can stay with Grandma all the time. And while Landon has no clue about what is going on, he will love his new play space, I am sure. For now, he seems to enjoy tossing random stuff in boxes. He does hinder packing quite a bit :)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Rapunzel, Rapunzel
My girl, in her brand new hat. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I simply could not wait. And she loves it. If you have ever seen the movie, "Tangled" you know that Rapunzel is an ornery little princess.
Kailey channels her well :)
She perches on her climber, and waits for somebody to tell her to let down her hair. She wore it to the mall. She wore it out to take Ellie to religion. And she isn't taking it off anytime soon.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Window
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| He is just so cute :) |
The proverbial saying says something about whenever God closes a door, he always opens a window.
Do you all ever sit around and wonder just when exactly is that is gonna happen? Or perhaps, your window like mine, is cracked. But you just can't seem to get it shoved all the way open. Maybe it is stuck. Maybe something is blocking it. Maybe somebody painted over it.
I sit here tonight, supposed to be writing something profound to add to my already very long thesis paper. And lately, all I can see is the endless road ahead of us. The hole that we didn't dig, but somehow have to climb out of. The roadblock after roadblock that has been thrown our way. The daily grind of our new life that somehow doesn't seem like any kind of life. I find myself trying to survive each day, only to regret the fact that I am wishing my kids' childhood away. I lay awake each night hoping I don't drop all these balls I have gotten thrown. And I can't see the end. It isn't there. Which makes it all that much harder.
Some days I wish I could just let it all go. Quit my job and school and focus on my kids. Sell this house and get out from the separation of my family, and from the ever-present entity that attempted to destroy us. Every time I step outside I am reminded of it. And while I am doing my best to not be bitter and angry and defeated, I cannot just let go of the fact that much of what happened this past year was done to us, through no fault of our own. Yet we are left to pick up the pieces, hanging by the thinnest thread, and trapping us in unavoidable and frustrating circumstances.
Steve Jobs said something in his famous speech at Stanford about the dots connecting. You cannot look forward and see how all this will affect your life. You can only look back and see that, because of it, you are where you are today. I know our dots are all leading us somewhere. That is what keeps me going. Knowing that there is so much ahead of us that will be better. Someday I won't have to work every weekend. Someday I will get to spend more than a couple hours a week with my husband. Someday, my kids will know that we did everything we could to keep things stable for them during this time. And that we tried so very hard to make their futures good, too.
I am thankful. I am thankful for the friends who let me whine and cry and complain. I am thankful for the mother in law that watches my kids every single week, and gets up in the middle of the night so I can take the sick one to the urgent care. I am very thankful for my husband's boss, who lets him work out a schedule to help me work, helping us climb out of that hole. And I am thankful that what we have gone through is so much less than what others have had to endure. Our path isn't pretty, but I know that many would choose ours in a heartbeat over what they have had to walk.
So, about that window. I know that I can't see what will open it just yet. But I have faith that it will. However, if any of you all has a crowbar, let me know :)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
So, Do You Ever Update Your Blog Anymore?
I seem to hear that a lot lately.
Well, the short answer is no. I am very busy.
And the long answer? Single parenthood is kicking my tail.
Working, going to school, and keeping up with Ellie's school has pretty much encompasses all my time these last several weeks. I decided not to send Kailey to preschool this year, so I am homeschooling her, or whatever it is you call doing some preschool stuff at home. Add that to the fact that I am doing most of it by myself, and well, sometimes the ball gets dropped. The good news is that I am only currently in one class for my masters. And that I only have 4 left to be done. That number is such a beautiful number!
The kids and I are attempting to adjust to this new lifestyle as best we can. We can't sell our house right not. Too many factors play into that to name off, but for the time being, we are here, and the daddy is there. I hope this won't be the case forever. Time will tell. It would help if our economy would get up off it's sorry behind and get a move on.
So, for right now, I am a single parent during the week, going to school. And on the weekend nights, I work. So they will keep paying for my school. It has been a rough road. The kids seem to be doing better recently. There are less tears, more sleeping. Less anxiety and more smiles. And, they have discovered beef. Which they love!
For now, I am focusing on what I must do each day to survive these next several months. Our lives will be so much different this time next year. I tell my kids that this isn't forever. Sometimes I tell myself that too.
And sometimes, I eat ice cream with peanut butter when everybody else is in bed, and watch trashy movies while I am doing homework. Because I can :)
Well, the short answer is no. I am very busy.
And the long answer? Single parenthood is kicking my tail.
Working, going to school, and keeping up with Ellie's school has pretty much encompasses all my time these last several weeks. I decided not to send Kailey to preschool this year, so I am homeschooling her, or whatever it is you call doing some preschool stuff at home. Add that to the fact that I am doing most of it by myself, and well, sometimes the ball gets dropped. The good news is that I am only currently in one class for my masters. And that I only have 4 left to be done. That number is such a beautiful number!
The kids and I are attempting to adjust to this new lifestyle as best we can. We can't sell our house right not. Too many factors play into that to name off, but for the time being, we are here, and the daddy is there. I hope this won't be the case forever. Time will tell. It would help if our economy would get up off it's sorry behind and get a move on.
So, for right now, I am a single parent during the week, going to school. And on the weekend nights, I work. So they will keep paying for my school. It has been a rough road. The kids seem to be doing better recently. There are less tears, more sleeping. Less anxiety and more smiles. And, they have discovered beef. Which they love!
For now, I am focusing on what I must do each day to survive these next several months. Our lives will be so much different this time next year. I tell my kids that this isn't forever. Sometimes I tell myself that too.
And sometimes, I eat ice cream with peanut butter when everybody else is in bed, and watch trashy movies while I am doing homework. Because I can :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Story About Change
Once upon a time, there was a family.
The family was happy. Life was good.
But, like every family, the rain falls occasionally. Sometimes, when it rains, the flowers grow brighter and bigger. Sometimes, the river floods the town.
The family had been through a few floods. Some of which, everybody could see. Some of which, they chose not to tell. All of which, led them to where they are now. And even after the hardest of rains, you sometimes get the most beautiful rainbow.
The family got a rainbow. A bright, shining rainbow that came out of the clear blue sky. One they wouldn't have expected to come, didn't expect. But, a much needed and welcome rainbow.
The rainbow is a new job. In another town. A job that they sought him out, and asked him to interview. In what turned out to be the perfect one for him. And will be for us all.
Now the family is faced with a few new challenges. First of all, there is a "situation" that must be resolved. The family cannot move until it is. Then, there is a house to sell. They hope. Then, the mommy must decide how to proceed with her school. And her work. Both of which she is bound to by the other. And there is the task of hopefully finding somewhere to live when it is time.
The daddy has started the job, awhile ago. He is gone. The mommy must raise the children, go to work and school, and somehow prepare to sell the house. If they are able to. It is a daunting task, complicated by softball and ill children.
In every good rainbow story, the end is full of a pot of gold. We are hoping that the proverbial pot of gold means more stability for our little family. We know this is the right choice. We just have to get to the end of that rainbow.
The family was happy. Life was good.
But, like every family, the rain falls occasionally. Sometimes, when it rains, the flowers grow brighter and bigger. Sometimes, the river floods the town.
The family had been through a few floods. Some of which, everybody could see. Some of which, they chose not to tell. All of which, led them to where they are now. And even after the hardest of rains, you sometimes get the most beautiful rainbow.
The family got a rainbow. A bright, shining rainbow that came out of the clear blue sky. One they wouldn't have expected to come, didn't expect. But, a much needed and welcome rainbow.
The rainbow is a new job. In another town. A job that they sought him out, and asked him to interview. In what turned out to be the perfect one for him. And will be for us all.
Now the family is faced with a few new challenges. First of all, there is a "situation" that must be resolved. The family cannot move until it is. Then, there is a house to sell. They hope. Then, the mommy must decide how to proceed with her school. And her work. Both of which she is bound to by the other. And there is the task of hopefully finding somewhere to live when it is time.
The daddy has started the job, awhile ago. He is gone. The mommy must raise the children, go to work and school, and somehow prepare to sell the house. If they are able to. It is a daunting task, complicated by softball and ill children.
In every good rainbow story, the end is full of a pot of gold. We are hoping that the proverbial pot of gold means more stability for our little family. We know this is the right choice. We just have to get to the end of that rainbow.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
One
Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy. I have loved every minute of you this last year, and while I am a little sad you are growing up, I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
My Kind of Fairy Tale
Because we all need a bit of humor in our lives...
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant
meadow near her castle.
A frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was
once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,
young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up
housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can satisfy my
needs, prepare and serve my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog
legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and
thought to herself:
“I don’t freaking think so!”
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Survival Tips
Survival of the fittest. That phrase has taken on a new meaning for me these last several month. Events beyond our control have led us down this path that we are currently walking. It has been very hard on us all, and we hope that this awful journey ends very soon. I hate what it does to a family. My poor kids can sense all this stress, and you can clearly see how much it affects them as well. The term "pain and suffering" take on an entirely new meaning.
In the meantime, I have learned a few thing about frugality. While I have taught myself a lot over the past few years, these last months have shown me how much I still have to learn. For example:
In the meantime, I have learned a few thing about frugality. While I have taught myself a lot over the past few years, these last months have shown me how much I still have to learn. For example:
- You really can use nearly everything in your fridge before it goes bad. You have to be creative. However, your children may not eat it, so continue to invest in peanut butter.
- When getting ready for a garage sale, one comes face to face with one's clothing habits. Specifically how one's children got clothed. And that they probably didn't need quite so many choices.
- Cheap backpacks break. Quickly. After you have bought 3 cheap backpacks, you should just invest in the good one the 4th time.
- Bread is super duper cheap to make. And super easy and yummy. However, bread could make you fat. Probably not your husband or children, but you should watch out.
- Pasta, however, is super cheap to buy, and a pain in the rear to make.
- When your daughter wants a cake made by you for her birthday, you might be touched, and think "that will be so much cheaper!". However, after you have made the three-tier confection filled with 3 fillings and 2 kinds of cakes, and frosted with about 5 pounds of powdered sugar and 15 sticks of butter, you realize that Costco makes an incredibly cheap cake.
- Sometimes, you get very frustrated at the lack of Christmas presents, or the meager Easter baskets. You stomp around and complain to your husband about how unfair it all is, that this stupid situation is hurting your children more than anyone else. Your husband remains calm and assures you that they will love the presents and baskets. They do, of course. But you don't admit that to him.
- Sometimes, you scrimp and save for so long, you take a bit of that and take a vacation. Like to the beach. And you scrimp while you are there. And you don't eat breakfast or lunch so that your kids can eat the little food that will fit in the fridge at the hotel. So you can afford the afternoon ice cream sundaes for them. And seeing the stress melt off their little faces makes it all worth it.
- That somehow, you can afford the second mortgage amount you are paying out in one certain bill each month. Because you have been working so very hard to keep afloat. Because you have no other choice. There is no way out.
- That, in the end, it is only money. Your kids are healthy. Your husband is healthy. You are healthy.
- And that you do have true friends. People who let you complain and whine and cry about the whole rotten situation. People who tell you how rotten it is with you. People who are right beside you, no matter what.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Princess and Her Potty
Kailey has a problem. An attitude problem. She is refusing to be potty trained. Not unready, not confused, too little, or misunderstanding. Refusing. And my child refusing me is not something that goes over well.
"No, Mama, I not gonna potty train today."
"I not gonna sit on dat big girl potty. I just gonna try later"
"I can't go sit on dat big girl potty, cause I busy."
It's much more irritating in person, I assure you.
I have tried it all. Bribing, pleading, begging, ordering, rewarding Ellie for going potty. None of it makes any difference. (Although Ellie's brilliant idea is that she should start pretending she is not potty trained anymore and get rewards for going on the potty to show Kailey what happens. I drew the line there :)
So my friend gave me a book, called "The Princess and the Potty." Very fitting. The princess won't use the potty, the potty makers in all the land make all kinds of pretty potties that do not please the princess. You know how it ends, the princess eventually gets fancy pants and goes on the potty.
We read it over and over. She loves it so much. Loves hearing about the princess and the potty.
So, one day, I am in the bathroom changing the baby and she points to the potty.
"Mama, see dat big girl potty?"
"Yes?"
"Dat big girl potty right over there?"
"Yes Kailey, I see it. What about it?" (getting all excited)
"Dat potty does not pwease me."
I think we have a ways to go :)
"No, Mama, I not gonna potty train today."
"I not gonna sit on dat big girl potty. I just gonna try later"
"I can't go sit on dat big girl potty, cause I busy."
It's much more irritating in person, I assure you.
I have tried it all. Bribing, pleading, begging, ordering, rewarding Ellie for going potty. None of it makes any difference. (Although Ellie's brilliant idea is that she should start pretending she is not potty trained anymore and get rewards for going on the potty to show Kailey what happens. I drew the line there :)
So my friend gave me a book, called "The Princess and the Potty." Very fitting. The princess won't use the potty, the potty makers in all the land make all kinds of pretty potties that do not please the princess. You know how it ends, the princess eventually gets fancy pants and goes on the potty.
We read it over and over. She loves it so much. Loves hearing about the princess and the potty.
So, one day, I am in the bathroom changing the baby and she points to the potty.
"Mama, see dat big girl potty?"
"Yes?"
"Dat big girl potty right over there?"
"Yes Kailey, I see it. What about it?" (getting all excited)
"Dat potty does not pwease me."
I think we have a ways to go :)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Nobody's Favorite
"Mama, how come I am nobody's favorite?" Ellie said to me today.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"I just mean, I used to be everybody's favorite and now I am nobody's. Well, I mean, we aren't anybody's. We are not anybody's favorites anymore."
I just hated hearing her say that. I know why she said it, and I know what she means (because, of course, I know the rest of the story that doesn't belong on the internet.) I can't explain how other people feel or why they act the way they do. I didn't even know how to respond. So I said the only thing I could say.
"You guys will always be my favorites."
Please don't let me ever be the parent who favors one child over the others. Or who treats one child with less love and understanding. Please let me always love all my kids with all my heart. And their kids, too. Please give me the wisdom and understanding to help my children grow happy and confident in themselves. To show them that they are worth more than I could ever relay to them. Give me the words to explain to my children the things in life that are hard, and that sometimes, we can't understand.
And please, please, let my babies know that they will always be OUR favorites.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"I just mean, I used to be everybody's favorite and now I am nobody's. Well, I mean, we aren't anybody's. We are not anybody's favorites anymore."
I just hated hearing her say that. I know why she said it, and I know what she means (because, of course, I know the rest of the story that doesn't belong on the internet.) I can't explain how other people feel or why they act the way they do. I didn't even know how to respond. So I said the only thing I could say.
"You guys will always be my favorites."
Please don't let me ever be the parent who favors one child over the others. Or who treats one child with less love and understanding. Please let me always love all my kids with all my heart. And their kids, too. Please give me the wisdom and understanding to help my children grow happy and confident in themselves. To show them that they are worth more than I could ever relay to them. Give me the words to explain to my children the things in life that are hard, and that sometimes, we can't understand.
And please, please, let my babies know that they will always be OUR favorites.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Kailey's Room
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| All my kids have their names on their doors. I made them. I am so crafty :) |
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| Her Big Girl Bed. You can kind of see her window seat and "tea party" light |
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| This is where bitty baby lives. |
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| The light came from Ellie's room in our old house |
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| There is a cute ladybug picture on the wall now where the flower stickers are. She sleeps in her toddler bed, and I have no intention of rocking the boat at this point :) |
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| This is Violet. She sleeps on the bed. |
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
When I Watch Too Much TV...
So, this week, I was watching my netflix on my roku box. I am in love with my roku box. Most of the time.
Today, not so much...
There was this documentary on there called "The business of being born." I'd read about this particular show before, but never really knew much about it. So I thought I'd put it on while doing some laundry.
I didn't make it past about 15 minutes. I was that hacked off, that I just shut it off.
Disclaimer: What follows is a rant.
This so-called documentary is all about "natural" childbirth. As in unmedicated birth, which is a more proper term. (unless you got your baby from some sort of test tube or egg contraption, all childbirth is natural.) I am not opposed to unmedicated birth. There is nothing at all wrong with it. I am, however, opposed to any sort of film that shows one side of a very complex story, and makes it seem as any other way is wrong. These people talked about how modern medicine had "screwed up" childbirth. They put down those who received any sort of drugs, including induction, as failures and interfering with the "natural order" of things. What an incredibly sad disservice this is for women. Women who may or may not have the options these women have. Modern medicine is a good thing. Lest we forget, it wasn't that long ago that many women died routinely during childbirth. Many women have health issues. Many babies have complications. And many uncomplicated pregnancies end with bad outcomes during delivery.
Modern medicine saved my life. It also saved two of my children's lives during delivery. Had I went the "natural" route, I wouldn't be here to be ranting about this. Had I waited "until the time is right" one of my babies would most certainly not be here. The mother probably wouldn't be, either. She was getting very ill.
Maybe that is why this irritates me so much. I made choices that I had to during my pregnancies and deliveries that would help my children and I come out of this alive. I, along with my doctors and specialists, made decisions that were based on this. I am happy with my choices. Proud, even. But, I utterly hate, hate, hate, hearing anything that attempts to undermine those choices. That says that if I hadn't had to induce my babies, we would have had shorter labors, better outcomes, etc, etc.
I have good outcomes. My children are healthy. I am incredibly thankful for that. I don't tell all the details to very many people of those deliveries. Most people won't go through what I did. What my babies did. And for that I am also thankful.
So producers of this documentary, listen up. You can be happy you had a baby with no medication. However, you may not put down those that had to. Or chose to. You never know what kinds of motivation comes with those choices.
Today, not so much...
There was this documentary on there called "The business of being born." I'd read about this particular show before, but never really knew much about it. So I thought I'd put it on while doing some laundry.
I didn't make it past about 15 minutes. I was that hacked off, that I just shut it off.
Disclaimer: What follows is a rant.
This so-called documentary is all about "natural" childbirth. As in unmedicated birth, which is a more proper term. (unless you got your baby from some sort of test tube or egg contraption, all childbirth is natural.) I am not opposed to unmedicated birth. There is nothing at all wrong with it. I am, however, opposed to any sort of film that shows one side of a very complex story, and makes it seem as any other way is wrong. These people talked about how modern medicine had "screwed up" childbirth. They put down those who received any sort of drugs, including induction, as failures and interfering with the "natural order" of things. What an incredibly sad disservice this is for women. Women who may or may not have the options these women have. Modern medicine is a good thing. Lest we forget, it wasn't that long ago that many women died routinely during childbirth. Many women have health issues. Many babies have complications. And many uncomplicated pregnancies end with bad outcomes during delivery.
Modern medicine saved my life. It also saved two of my children's lives during delivery. Had I went the "natural" route, I wouldn't be here to be ranting about this. Had I waited "until the time is right" one of my babies would most certainly not be here. The mother probably wouldn't be, either. She was getting very ill.
Maybe that is why this irritates me so much. I made choices that I had to during my pregnancies and deliveries that would help my children and I come out of this alive. I, along with my doctors and specialists, made decisions that were based on this. I am happy with my choices. Proud, even. But, I utterly hate, hate, hate, hearing anything that attempts to undermine those choices. That says that if I hadn't had to induce my babies, we would have had shorter labors, better outcomes, etc, etc.
I have good outcomes. My children are healthy. I am incredibly thankful for that. I don't tell all the details to very many people of those deliveries. Most people won't go through what I did. What my babies did. And for that I am also thankful.
So producers of this documentary, listen up. You can be happy you had a baby with no medication. However, you may not put down those that had to. Or chose to. You never know what kinds of motivation comes with those choices.
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